I recently scrolled through my Google Drive, and found a short essay I wrote about my feelings during the COVID19 pandemic and lockdown. Despite the trying times, I realised that it helped me to grow as a person, and develop a positive mindset. Hope you enjoy the essay!
The air was thick, so tense that I could almost choke on it. A stormcloud of disappointment shrouded the room, leaving us in a hazy grey fog. The room was silent, save for the steady buzz of the air conditioner. Glancing around, I was met with many faces, all of which donned identical masks of dejection. We were stuck here in Singapore, with nothing to do but contemplate our somewhat colourless lives.
Our Round Square coordinator, Mr Dura cleared his throat, starting yet another fruitless attempt at instigating some kind of cheerful response. It was as effective as teaching walruses algebra.
“So, I know you are disappointed our Round Square trip got cancelled. After all the planning and preparations, it’s a shame that we couldn’t go because of the virus.”
He was met by a classroom of blank faces.
“Still, our school made the right decision to cancel all international trips, because the current situation is very unpredictable. But we’ll find something else to do instead!”
More silence.
“CheongShim Academy is closed right now because South Korea is hard-hit by the virus, but we can organise a video conference with them! Even better, what about a pen-pal exchange?”
This sparked a few non-committal grunts. We were still dismayed about the cruel twist in fate.
For the good part of about six months, I was counting down the days until the 9th of March, when we’d finally go to Seoul for the Round Square conference. We would learn about the rich history of Korea, attend debates and Model United Nations as part of the Round Square delegation, while exploring Seoul through the eyes of a tourist. The zingy crunch of fresh kimchi, the vibrant dazzle of K-pop music videos, the phenomenon of looking over the DMZ into one of the most elusive countries in the world, I couldn’t wait to experience it all. Not only would we be visiting the country on the top of my bucket list, but I’d be rooming with my closest friends, meeting with other members of the Round Square community, and making unforgettable memories during the trip! Our excitement was cut short when COVID19 came knocking on our door, our long-awaited trip the first to be cancelled.
I was flabbergasted. I never thought of myself as particularly flexible, but also not someone who was stubborn. I’d lived in the same country, went to the same school and did the same activities my whole life. If a small change crept into my life, I adapted quickly, not giving it much thought. But when a big change happened? I didn’t know how to face it.
Instead of tiptoeing, this time change pounded on my door, demanding to be let in. Instead of seeing my classmates in freshly ironed school uniforms, looking neat and enthusiastic, I saw them at eight every morning with unruly hair, groggy and half asleep in their pajamas. Our teacher, Ms Chew, showed up every morning with a smile on her face, as she taught lessons from her kitchen counter. It was like I’d been dropped into a parallel universe, where my normal everyday experiences were flipped upside down.
For the first time in twelve years, I no longer knew what to expect.
I was whisked back to my five-year old birthday. My green Tinkerbell dress sparkled like sunlight on the sea. The summer breeze smelled like the salty seawater mixed with oozy caramel cupcakes. It was my first ever birthday party, and my preschooler self thought it was the most exciting thing to ever happen in the history of the universe. With a Tinkerbell cake, Tinkerbell decorations, even with Tinkerbell themed games, I was in heaven. The cherry on top of the cake would be taking a photo with Tinkerbell, the character I absolutely idolised. But my heart dropped when instead of Tinkerbell, in all his green hat and cape finery, was Peter Pan.
I was fuming. It was MY birthday, MY celebration, and Peter Pan showed up instead of Tinkerbell? Even all these years later, I can still remember the distinct feelings of betrayal and resentment. Instead of being grateful about the party, the countless gifts I was showered with, or the fact that Peter Pan was helping with the festivities, all I could think about was the one change, the one thing that didn’t go to plan. My stubborn, spoiled five year old self refused to adapt, instead throwing a screaming fit until Peter Pan apologetically nodded at my parents, and left the venue. I didn’t know that the person playing Tinkerbell couldn’t come because of a family emergency. I didn’t know how many events Peter Pan had to rearrange, so he could step in as a last minute replacement. All I could think about was how hurt I felt by such a trivial thing. Now, the Coronavirus was bringing back those emotions, eight years later.
The disappointment struck like a tsunami, a wave of destruction, washing away everything I was looking forward to. The unpredictability of the virus meant nothing was truly guaranteed. It all had been snatched away, a punishment sent from the heavens. Why was this happening? What did humanity do to deserve this? Why was the virus dictating our lives, and making choices for us?
We weren’t the only ones who had our lives upended by the virus. Schools shut down. Supermarkets ran out of food. There was a shortage of masks. Hand sanitizer. Toilet paper. More and more people were infected by this unknown virus as Singapore was swept into a Circuit breaker, with March, April and May passing by in a flurry while doctors and nurses were fighting at the front lines, embarking on the fierce war against the virus. It was like the initial shock when Round Square got cancelled, but on a greater scale. Except this time, the whole world was stuck in this mess.
When the rest of the world was crumbling to dust, I expected our weekly Round Square meetings to be suspended. Instead, we now had online conferences every other Thursday, the highlight of my Circuit Breaker. The Round Square community had found ways to adapt, and we were still going strong. We shared the same experiences, same struggles, belonged to the same community. It was my anchor, a lighthouse in the storm. If it wasn’t for this new normal, I would never have had the opportunity to participate in the weekly online conferences.
It was ironic how the Round Square ideals taught us to overcome adversity with a positive mindset, and be flexible and adapt to new situations, yet I let my pessimism control my actions. As the students dialled into the meeting, eager to learn, I realised that my cynicism might not have been the best attitude towards the situation. What if I changed my mindset, and learnt to embrace change? Our world is rapidly evolving everyday, so why not evolve along with it?
My friend Isabel cleared her throat, and she presented our slideshow to the grand audience of forty students from around the globe. Finally, it was our turn to teach others about Singapore. “Today we’ll introduce Singapore’s rich history and vibrant culture to you!” We started our presentation, eager to show what Singapore had to offer. We reminisced about pre-COVID times, when we got to roam freely in the beautiful Garden City, but also predicted how Singapore would grow in the coming future, after overcoming this unprecedented obstacle. Just like any other World History class, the other students were learning about another time, another place, another world. But it wasn’t the usual Humanities lesson. They were being taught by us, their peers not their teachers, and the usual cold humanities classroom was replaced by the warm comfort of their bedrooms. It felt like I was balancing on the edge, teetering between our old outdated ways and the innovative, modern and bright future. Was this what learning would soon be like? Was this a change to be welcomed?
During the countless hours I spent confined in my bedroom, something shifted inside me.
A golden seed of hope blossomed.
A shining light, illuminating these dark times.
I felt free.
Through this experience, I realised that the people who are the most successful are the ones who adapt the best, whether it was because they had the resources or mindset to help them fit into the new environment. By evolving, we are essentially better preparing ourselves for what will come next, making us stronger in the future. I had to let go of the seed of fear lodged in my heart.
It’s okay to be scared of the unpredictable.
It’s okay to feel lost, scared or confused.
In the words of my all-time favorite character, Ruby Redfort, you can never be completely sure what might happen next. That’s just how life works. When we’re having the time of our lives, soon it will fade to a memory. An obstacle, a challenge, a rough patch in time? That too will pass. Trends come and go, people come and go. If we don’t want to get left behind, we need to shift with the times. We need to harness the power of change.
Change isn’t the enemy.
Change is a tool, an instrument to help or hinder.
But only we have the key, the ability to use it for our benefit.
Only we can decide whether we are brave enough to take the next step.