stale birthday cake
another year, another candle
my blistered feet,
still chained to the treadmill
i’m a modern day Sisyphus,
a cynic with dreams
a mere one out of thousands
but left alone, when you take away the screen
isn’t it funny?
they tell us we’re supposed to be the hopeful ones
still oblivious, still childlike, still green
and yet here I am, scrubbing my hands
rinsing, washing,
sudsing them clean
gone are the days, when i was able to indulge
in blithe, youthful stupidity
we are twin moths, darting forward
entranced by the light, we chase after the unknown
is it courage? is it necessity? i do not know.
is the brightness ahead from the sun?
or the mere glow of a smartphone?
i’m put on the diet
of sarcasm, of playing it cool
i force-feed myself nonchalance
daily dosage taken by the spoonful
for the sake of my pride
i stumble, and hide
my raw, grotesque heart, in my sleeve
swallow the shards of broken glass,
surprised when it tears up my insides
i consume the frustration, it consumes me instead
“that’s unexpected,” i say
as if i’d expected to be anything but
bereft
a floundering mess, a prototype
a work in progress
first times are awful,
no point of reference, no safe-fall
yet solidarity, is what keeps us sane
we’re in this together,
witness the carnage from afar
we watch the grey plumes
the familiarity of inexperience, naivety,
high-schooler blues
close the door on this chapter
bury the ashes of our youth
you exhale,
pleased when the fog finally clears,
“see now, that wasn’t too bad”
“it’s over, we’re fine now” you wipe off your sweat
but i’m standing here, trembling
still seeing red
growing pains, coming of age
quite frankly, a painfully predictable cliche
we’re told
we ought to be pleased, to celebrate
i put on my sparkly hat
wear the sash, dust my hands
and cut into another stale birthday cake.