We Are All Mirrorballs

There’s one type of maths problem that I’ve never been a fan of: the inane, almost presumptuous sequence conundrums that give you three repeating matchstick and dot patterns, and ask you to predict some ridiculous value, like the number of matchsticks in Figure 57. I happily lived all 15 years of my life in blissful ignorance, simply following the tried and true cure to all of life’s problems: pretending they don’t exist. (if you happen to be Mr Kam, my maths tutor, reading this, for legal reasons I am joking about the aforementioned anecdote. Sorry! I’ll do better!) The awful realisation that no divine power was going to magically bless me with this Maths knowledge only hit me at 4:37pm the day before my Maths exam, which then led to me frantically reaching out to every friend and/or acquaintance who could possibly hold this vital piece of knowledge, AND would be willing to patiently explain it to me. A tough ask, I know. But just like the storyline of My Little Pony, friendship pulled through in the end, and a then-acquaintance of mine airdropped a PDF tutorial to me. As if he had just saved me from a burning building, I profusely thanked him like the future of humanity depended on it. That one PDF was a bible to all of my life problems, and through the haze of stress and general exam panic, I was somehow able to ingrain that knowledge into my brain forevermore. To this day, excluding that terrible Maths exam (overnight cramming does not work!), I haven’t gotten that style of question wrong since.

I’m writing this post from a miniscule aeroplane table right now, somewhere enroute between Seoul, South Korea and Singapore, Singapore, roughly three weeks after completing my GCSEs. All throughout my gruelling GCSE study sessions, whether it was hardcore seven-hour marathons at the National Library, or overstaying my courtesy at my local Starbucks, every single time I did that specific style of question in one of my many, many practice papers, I couldn’t help but think back to that trusty PDF document, and consequently, feeling grateful for that friend. Many other aspects of my life, from the way I tie my shoelaces, to the way I cook my favourite post-workout meal, have all been impacted and influenced by the people around me, particularly those who I feel the closest to, or hold in the highest reverence. To me, it’s mind blowing that the actions of others can transform parts of who we are or how we live, even if you haven’t known them for very long, or your paths that have once intersected have since diverted. No human is truly whole on their own, truly original, a design of their own making. Similar to the way a mirrorball redirects light, turning into a glimmering thing of beauty, we’re all artful shards of mirror, reflecting little bits and pieces of everyone who made us become the people we are today.

We all know that this theory applies for big things, like values, definition of success or life purpose. When someone does something thoughtful, we often remark on their upbringing, or more specifically, their parents’ success with it. There have been countless sayings and idioms perpetuating the same idea, from ‘The apple never falls far from the tree” to the Chinese expression “近朱者赤，近墨者黑”, which uses the analogy of ink staining paper different colours to explain the way we’re influenced by those around us. In a lesser sense, this could translate to other aspects of life too, like career path, religion, observation of traditions or cultural norms. But what if we focused on the smaller, more trivial facets of daily life, too? One of my friends has a vehement hatred of Starbucks, which can be described as distrustful at best and concerningly passionate at worst. As a Starbucks frequenter (read: above paragraph) this was rather intriguing to me. After receiving a lengthy explanation on this controversial stance, I’ve since then never been able to look at a Starbucks coffee in the same way again. What makes this all the more special is how we sometimes don’t even realise we’ve been influenced. In classic Gen-Z fashion, so many minute details of my life have been shaped in some way or another by trendy TikTok hacks, which find small ways to make life the tiniest bit smoother, the tiniest bit more convenient. Often, I wonder if these creators even realise the sheer impact they have, in the most trivial and innocuous of ways. Who needs sponsorships or brand partnerships, when you can live with the knowledge that 57 people now use rolling pins and ziplock bags to quickly peel their garlic, because of your fifteen-second video? Really changing lives out there, one at a time.

Obviously, there are downsides to this too. You can meet bad influences that cause things to take a turn for the worse. Bad friends can peer-pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with. A friend with a spending problem might influence your mindset about money, causing you to play fast and loose with your own wallet. The list continues. However, this is not the point of today’s post. I’m sure you’ve already heard similar stories countless times, and there isn’t a reason to expend energy on the negatives, when there are ways to mitigate these risks, such as to act with discretion, and to be mindful of your thoughts and actions. Above all, the likelihood of becoming negatively influenced can be greatly minimised through the act of surrounding yourself with good people, people who push you to become the best version of yourself. What I look for in a friend isn’t someone who’s necessarily the funniest, the smartest, the most competent, but rather the person who brings out the best version of me, the person who makes me feel the most comfortable, the most seen. My mom always says that it’s as if you’re a Public Limited enterprise, and the five people that you’re the closest to are your Board of Directors. Whether you like it or not, these five people have the power to shape the person that you become, to influence your decisions and impact your mindsets. That’s why it’s paramount that you surround yourself with people that you deeply trust and respect, in order to learn from their qualities that you admire, and become a version of yourself that you’re proud of.

Lastly, what I love the most about the idea of humans being mirrorballs is the way that it allows us to hold onto parts of people that we love, even after our life paths have since diverted. I go to an international high school, where there’s a plethora of different ethnicities, nationalities, and cultures on campus. Many of my classmates, peers and friends are third-culture kids, and it’s common for these expats to ping-pong between different continents. This, compounded by the transient nature of high school friendships, means that many of the relationships in my life are ephemeral and fleeting, formed as quickly as a matter of days, and broken just as easily. As a result, I love the idea of being able to preserve these moments in time, creating tangible reminders of our time spent together through the way I act, the way I think. My closest friends are people that I deeply revere, people that I learn from, every single day. Whether it’s the way they carry themselves, their selflessness, or simply the way they’re not afraid to be the most authentic versions of themselves, I truly respect the individuals that they’ve grown to become, and cherish their company, and the time spent together. There are hundreds of positive qualities that attracted me to these people in the first place, and that’s why I love the idea that somewhere along the way, I might have assimilated these traits into my own life, almost created from the parts and pieces of those that I hold in high regard. Now, wherever I go, I can carry a bit of these people along with me. It’s a wondrous, awe-inspiring thing, the idea that I can become someone I’m proud of, and respect.

What’s the purpose of all this? I’m not sure how much you’ve taken away from this blog post, or whether it resonates with you. But if there has to be one thing I’d like to leave you with, it’s this.

Now that you know how much potential you have to shape the lives of others, how can you use it to make a positive difference?