you were my worst decision
Never again, I swore to myself
My fingers clutching the pulsating, crimson flesh
They’d torn a line straight through my middle
And however well I’d sutured the wound
It always reopened and bled
They’d left me for the vultures, led and left me astray
So I’d let undiluted ice run straight through my veins
I’d sooner claw my heart out myself
Stick a stake straight through the pulp,
Than let it blacken, decay again
Enter you, the contrarian hero
With a colossal heart, and an even larger ego
You were on your high horse, I was on the rebound
to you,
maybe Stockholm was right, there was something quite
Enticing about toying with fire
You made the rules, so I played by them
toed the line, marched to your time
I’d done it then, stupid, blindly blithe
Moulded myself so I’d
be your type
I’d thought you were the reward, so I
braved the tunnel, in search of the light
But you were my ruining, parading as the prize
I should have seen this coming,
Should have heeded the warning
Love on a leash never would have worked out.
You wanted my love unbridled, yet spooked
when you found out
I was too much, too prone to dramatics, you said
I’ve never been one for common sense
I had your back, but through mine, you stabbed
Your knife of false promises, and on
My black-and-blue bruises, you press
Maybe it’s foolishness, maybe it’s masochism,
My morbid curiosity always drew me to prod at the abscess
You made the joke, I made the mess
Isn’t it funny, that despite all, we still ended up
Like this
Back where I started,
Clearly, I’m not the smartest
Proven though my newfound battle scars
And look at you,
With such joy, with such youth
Nestled within sweatered arms
Are you proud of yourself?
Are you glad it worked out?
For you, of course it did
And I’m sitting here, bitterly
Shredding the tapestries
Made of the memories we’d woven together
I guess you’ll never know now,
Even if I see you around, as
Gooseflesh coats my arms, on the third of December
~~~
This has got to be the strangest thing I’ve written a poem inspired by, but I knew no better way to honour Conan Gray’s absolutely hilarious Spotify Wrapped artist message! This was written solely to fulfil my fangirl obligations, heavily inspired by The Cut That Always Bleeds, The Exit, and obviously, Heather. I absolutely love his lyricisms and the authenticity in the way in which he expresses himself, always unapologetically unafraid to write about his vulnerabilities. Hopefully I did his lyrics justice :)